Jealous is a "fear of being replaced by a rival, especially in regard to another's affection or or vindictness toward another or fear of losing someone's affection or love or the suspicion of rivalry or unfaithfulness".
We all probably have been jealous at some point of time. But only a few people have an understanding of the roots or causes for their jealousy. Following are the factors that make one jealous over others.
- Immediate Factors:- Immediate factors are the internal triggers which provoke a fear response, are buried deep in one's background and are apt to be set off anytime, any place, and with anyone. Everything and everyone can be perceived as a threat to the fearful person, and the more that person rationalises, denies, and suppresses the fear, the worse it can become.
Self Factors:- Self factors are parts of one's core, or essential self, that are developed from birth, and that development continues throughout one's life. How & how much one's self develops plays a major role in jealousy. Your self is very complex, and much of it can be hidden from you and others, but it still can exerts influence on your behaviour, attitudes, and perceptions.
It is okay to have jealous feelings, but one should try to manage, contain them and to accept that these are your feelings triggered by your response to a perceived threat.
Past Experiences:- Previous relationships also play a major in the emergency of jealousy. For example, you repeatedly try to connect to others to form friendships and intimacy but your efforts result in rejections many times. You will be cautious and uncertain in establishing other relationships. You may try to hold others too tightly to ensure that they will remain with you. On the other hand, if you experiences supportive and satisfying relationships, throughout your life is more trusting and confident.
Many of one's past experiences can carry "unfinished business". The trouble with unfinished business that you never know when it will emerge and cause trouble, or the form it will take.
Family of Origin Factors:- Experiences with parents, siblings, and other people close to one's family during formative years can have some effects for being jealous others. No matter how much one forgets, denies, rationalizes, or works on those early experiences, they continue to play a major role in the adult's life, reactions and relationships. The beginnings of jealousy lie in the feelings of fear, abandonment, loss, and insecurity that were established early in the person's life.
The jealous person may only know what he feels,
with no understanding of why these feelings emerge.
